


Killing last sparks of hope

by dlghted



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:53:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29179029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dlghted/pseuds/dlghted
Summary: Minhyuk convinces Changkyun to try and make Kihyun jealous with a fake date on Valentine’s Day to find out if he likes him back. Which he doesn’t… right?
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 14
Kudos: 103





	Killing last sparks of hope

Kihyun didn’t tell people he loved them all that much, he showed it in other ways. His love showed in the way he trusted people, in how he cared for others. And while he wasn’t someone who constantly hugged and cuddled his friends, he still liked being physically close to them, liked holding onto them when he laughed or when he felt embarrassed, so his love showed in the way he touched people too.

And Changkyun felt so, so loved sometimes. He felt loved until he remembered that he was loved in a way that Kihyun loved the other members too. And that should have been enough for him, but it wasn’t. Changkyun wouldn’t ever get enough of Kihyun, he wouldn’t ever stop wanting more than he could give him.

Some people have this indescribable something in their eyes and when they smile, they just look like they mean it with their whole heart. Kihyun was on a whole new level of that, Kihyun smiled like he was the fucking sun. Warm and bright and always a safe distance away so Changkyun wouldn’t threaten to burn to death.

He had long realised that being in love felt different every time it happened. But Kihyun made him doubt if he had ever actually been in love before in the first place. He had never loved someone who made him feel so comfortable and nervous at the same time.

He was sure he’d never loved anyone this deeply, which was kind of weird when they weren’t even together. But he just knew Kihyun so well from working and living with him for years, he was around him so much he probably knew almost every side of him by now. Constantly being this close to him was great, Changkyun loved spending time with him. Kihyun was his greatest source of happiness and his greatest source of pain too. Especially because he wasn’t even able to avoid Kihyun at all, but he got pretty good at hiding how he felt, he would say.

Although maybe he wasn’t so good at hiding it after all when Jooheon figured it out on his own and accidentally told Minhyuk about it a week later.

Changkyun wouldn’t have dared to tell anyone until they found out but having these two know about his feelings for Kihyun had somewhat of benefits too, at least he had someone to talk to now. He was okay as long as Kihyun wouldn’t figure it out too.

***

“Hey, I have an idea,” Minhyuk said as he burst into his shared room with Changkyun and shut the door after him.

“Hm?”

“It’s Valentine’s Day soon, right?” he said, looking excited.

“Yes?” Changkyun answered but didn’t really know what Minhyuk was getting at.

“You should go on a date.” No. Changkyun didn’t even have to think about it. No matter how Minhyuk thought this could help him this time, he didn’t care.

“I don’t know what–” he began but got interrupted by his roommate.

“Okay, listen to me for a second. You don’t really need to date someone, you’ll just pretend to, you know? Let’s see if we can make Kihyun jealous,” he said with a smirk, nodding excitedly. Okay, that really sounded like one of the dumbest ideas Minhyuk had had to get him and Kihyun together so far.

“He won’t care,” he answered dryly. Kihyun didn’t even like men, there was no point in trying.

“How sure are you about that?”

“Like, 99 percent.”

“Wow, you’re so optimistic.” He groaned. “Look, you won’t lose anything if it doesn’t work. But what if it does? You can figure out if he likes you or not once and for all. And if he doesn’t, it might even help you to get over him. I really think this isn’t such a bad idea.”

“When you say it like that...” It’s not like he had anything to lose.

“Come on, Kyunnie. Let’s make Kihyun jealous, it will be fun!” he said, sounding way too enthusiastic.

“I don’t know. And I don’t even have someone who I could go on a fake date with.”

“Um, you’ve become friends with Chaeyeon recently, so that might seem believable? But it doesn’t really matter, you won’t go on that date anyway.”

“And where am I going alone?” he questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“We could meet somewhere and go out to eat, maybe.” He shrugged. “No wait, I have a better idea! You won’t even need to leave the dorm if you tell Kihyun she cancelled or something. And if you act a little sad, he’ll try to cheer you up all night long and you might even spend Valentine’s Day alone with him,” he grinned proudly. “So, what do you say?”

“Seriously, do you have nothing better to do than to come up with plans like this?” He had to admit that this whole spending Valentine’s Day with Kihyun thing sounded pretty great though.

“I’m a genius, and I just want you to be happy.” It was cute that Minhyuk tried to help him, really. He appreciated his effort, but Changkyun just wasn’t sure he could do anything to help him.

“I appreciate that, but I’m pretty sure this will not work out like you imagine it to.”

“Does that mean yes?” Minhyuk looked at him expectantly.

His feelings for Kihyun were something he’d have to deal with on his own, but maybe Minhyuk was right and he could at least try to find out how Kihyun would react to him going on dates and kill the last sparks of hope like that. Maybe it’d help him move on.

“Yeah, okay,” he sighed but gave in. “So how do we do this? Do we lie to the others too?”

“Of course, they don’t even know you like him. Unless you wanna tell all of them.”

“Uh, no. Not really.” He didn’t need more people teasing him, which also increased the chances of Kihyun noticing. “And what about Jooheon?”

“Maybe it’s better if he doesn’t know. I still can’t believe that you told him you like Kihyun and it didn’t even take a whole week until I knew too,” he laughed.

“I didn’t tell him, he figured it out on his own,” Changkyun corrected. “I was so scared when he asked me about it, thought I was being really obvious.”

“I don’t think you are. I didn’t figure it out until Jooheon started acting suspiciously.”

“I’m glad it was just you and not Kihyun…”

“Yeah, that would have been… uh. But hey, Kihyun knows you like guys, right?”

“Yeah, I mean, you all do.”

“Right. And who would Kihyun tell if he liked guys too?”

“I don’t know. Do you really think he does?” he frowned, and then the thought of Kihyun liking guys but not liking him crossed his mind.

“Who knows.” Minhyuk shrugged. “Maybe he would have told you because you’re bi. But in case he likes guys and is in love with you… Hyungwon, maybe? But how do we ask Hyungwon if Kihyun’s gay?”

“We… no, we won’t do that,” he said, shaking his head as he internally panicked just a bit. “That doesn’t even make any sense, I thought we were just figuring out if he’d get jealous or whatever…” He just wanted Minhyuk to stop talking about the possibility of Kihyun being gay because he knew it was there. It seemed unlikely, but still there. And he didn’t want his mind to get delusional and get his hopes up through this.

“Okay fine, I mean you didn’t tell anyone that you like him either. And this is Kihyun we’re talking about, he probably wouldn’t tell anyone anyway...”

“Are you still mad that I didn’t tell you, is that it? Are you trying to punish me like this? Because it’s working,” Changkyun frowned in frustration, hiding his face in his hands and Minhyuk giggled.

“No, I’m sorry. I’m just trying to say… you could have told us. Why didn’t you? Must have been hard not having anyone to talk to.”

“Yeah, I thought that having someone I could talk to would be great too but turns out you just tease me about it all the time,” he groaned.

“You’re just so whipped for him, it’s fun to watch,” he said with a bright smile on his face.

“At least you’re having fun…”

Changkyun texted Chaeyeon that night too, just because he felt weird about saying he would go on a date with her without her knowing and being okay with it. So, he told her about the plan, not about who he liked though and she gladly wanted to help and wished him good luck. Changkyun doubted that he had enough luck for this to turn out like Minhyuk imagined hoped it would.

Changkyun for sure wouldn’t allow himself to have hope when the chances were high that he would get hurt in the end. So, he just promised Chaeyeon to keep her updated and went to bed right after.

***

“What are you and Sejeong doing on Valentine’s Day?” Minhyuk asked Jooheon about his plans with his girlfriend the next day at dinner.

“We’ll just be watching a movie at her place,” he answered with a smile.

“Sounds great. Did you know Changkyunnie has a date too?” Everyone looked up from their plates at that.

“He… what?” Jooheon said, looking at Changkyun in confusion and Changkyun thought that it might have been a bad idea not to tell Jooheon about it after all.

“With whom?” Shownu wanted to know.

“With Chaeyeon,” Changkyun answered, feeling very uncomfortable.

“Ah, she’s really nice, I’m happy for you,” Hyunwoo said.

“I noticed you were talking to her a lot lately,” Hyungwon smiled, and Changkyun tried to smile back. He kind of had been talking to her a lot but as nothing more than friends. He didn’t give any further input into the current topic that was his dating life, so they moved on.

Jooheon dragged Changkyun into his and Minhyuk’s room after dinner and sat him down on his bed. “So, you’re really going on a date with Chaeyeon, huh?” he began.

“Yeah?” he answered awkwardly.

“But Kihyun. What about Kihyun?” Jooheon asked, looking at him worriedly.

“I mean, I gotta start getting over him some time,” Changkyun explained and shrugged.

“But… isn’t that kind of unfair towards Chaeyeon? You are friends, do you really wanna risk that?”

“We, um, we talked about it. And if it doesn’t work out, we can just go back to being friends, it’ll be okay,” he answered as he nervously began to play with the hem of his sweater.

“Did she ask you out?”

“Ah, yes?” he said but it came out of his mouth more like a question.

“Kyunnie, it seems like Chaeyeon really likes you, and you’re just going to break her heart. I think this is a bad idea.”

Changkyun wasn’t usually someone who gave up quickly, but this conversation was stressing him out. And there wasn’t even a reason to lie to Jooheon anyway. “I can’t do this. You’re so insightful, it’s impossible to lie to you.”

Jooheon tilted his head at that, “What?”

“I’m not really going on a date, it was Minhyuk’s idea to fake it so Kihyun will get jealous,” he explained, “And I know he won’t get jealous, I know this is dumb and pointless, okay? But just like Minhyuk said, I don’t really have anything to lose, so…”

“Oh, I’m glad then. At least you’re not hurting anyone. But why didn’t you tell me?” he pouted.

“Minhyuk was scared you’d accidentally tell someone again.”

“Oh. Yeah, sorry about that again,” he said like he hadn’t apologized like a thousand times since it’d happened.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize anymore,” Changkyun assured. Jooheon telling Minhyuk hadn’t been ideal, but it turned out okay, no big problem. Changkyun knew it was rather about Jooheon being scared that he had broken Changkyun’s trust than anything else, but that wasn’t the case. He was actually good with secrets, that thing with Minhyuk had just happened because he had teased Changkyun a bit in front of him and he got suspicious. He knew that Jooheon would have never dared to even make the slightest implication in front of Kihyun.

“Do you really think I would wanna date someone right now?” Changkyun wondered.

“I mean I did think it was weird, but I didn’t see a reason why you’d have lied about it.”

“It was Minhyuk’s idea, I don’t know why I said yes. It’s dumb.” Changkyun sighed. He shouldn’t have agreed to this in the first place, he hated that he had lied to them.

“But what if it ends up working?” Jooheon considered.

“What? You actually think this will work?” Changkyun just looked at him in disbelief.

“Well, realistically speaking, I don’t want you to get your hopes up, but you never know, right? Anything’s possible and you can at least say that you tried in the end.”

***

Valentine’s Day had finally come which meant he could get this over with, he could stop lying, and wouldn’t have to endure the members teasing questions anymore. Changkyun felt guilty. He’d been lying to his friends for days now. They kept asking questions about the date and about Chaeyeon, and he just tried to come up with answers but didn’t give too much input in the conversation.

He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to do this anymore. How should he tell Kihyun? Would he even notice and wonder why Changkyun was still here and not on his date? Changkyun didn’t have much of a plan actually, so he just got up to go downstairs and search for him. He was nervous as fuck, Minhyuk had needed to encourage him for the past twenty minutes.

Changkyun realised he wouldn’t have to do much searching when Kihyun came up the stairs as he left his room. “Oh hey, I thought you’d be gone already,” he said and started frowning as he eyed Changkyun’s clothes, a black hoodie, sweatpants, and colourful smiley socks, which didn’t exactly look like he was going on a date.

“Ah, yes. Um… we’re not going anymore,” he stammered.

“Oh. Why not?”

Changkyun shrugged. “We decided we better stay as friends.”

Kihyun looked confused, a little worried too. He would probably need to answer loads of questions if he would spend time with him now. Kihyun was the type of person you could talk about your problems with. His idea of helping you deal with things was trying to understand you and help you understand yourself better. Changkyun adored him for it, he was sure he’d be able to make him feel better if some girl had actually dumped him. But it could get slightly difficult with an issue Changkyun had just made up.

Changkyun took a deep breath. Minhyuk had promised him Valentine’s night with Kihyun so he would get him to spend the night with him somehow, nothing was stopping him now. “Um, what are you doing now?”

“Nothing.”

“Do you wanna watch something?”

Changkyun was suddenly scared he’d say no even though he could tell by the look in his eyes that Kihyun was worried about him and wouldn’t leave him alone now. “Ah, yeah sure. My room?” he suggested.

Kihyun led the way to his room when Changkyun nodded. It was awkward for a moment after they had both sat down on his bed, he knew that Kihyun wanted to ask him about what had happened and if he was okay. And that he wouldn’t be able to avoid his questions forever, he could still try though.

“So, your laptop?” Changkyun asked, looking around the room, trying to spot where he had put it when he was just trying to avoid looking at Kihyun directly.

“Oh. Yeah,” he said and got up to find it. He let Changkyun scroll through his Watchlist on Netflix for a bit. Kihyun eyed him worriedly during his search but he tried to concentrate on finding something they could watch together. He noticed how Kihyun sat a bit closer than he usually would though, knowing that Changkyun found comfort in hugs and cuddles.

Was he waiting for him to say something?

Changkyun didn’t though, he just asked him what he wanted to watch and then decided on some feel-good series they both hadn’t seen yet when Kihyun said he didn’t care. He laid down and got comfortable with the laptop in his lap but Kihyun didn’t come closer so he would be able to see the screen properly.

“Are you okay though?” he asked. “Are you sad… because of the date?”

“No, actually. It was me who canceled,” he told him so he wouldn’t feel too bad for him.

“Oh. You were so shy about it, I thought you might really like her.” While Changkyun wasn’t the most talkative person, he still liked talking about the things and the people he loved and usually didn’t get shy when they asked him about dates and crushes. But he understood why Kihyun would think that when he had never dated a person that he’d known and been friends with for a while already. Kihyun must have thought he was actually in love with her.

“That’s… not it. I just didn’t want Minhyuk to make such a big deal out of it. The date… it was a bad idea in the first place.”

“Why?” Kihyun frowned.

“I think I really like someone else,” he answered because it was true. It had been the first reason that came to his mind but was it too obvious he was talking about Kihyun?

“Your love life sounds pretty complicated right now.” Kihyun hid his hands in the pocket of his hoodie. Cute as fuck. He couldn’t let himself get distracted now though.

“It’s not... it was just dumb of me to say yes when she asked me out. I knew that wasn’t what I wanted. But hey, it doesn’t matter. I couldn’t make it work with anyone anyway,” he shrugged. Maybe it was dumb that he had said that, he really shouldn’t be talking to Kihyun about being in love with him in general.

“Why? With whom does it not work out?”

“I just know it wouldn’t. So, I didn’t try.” He wanted Kihyun so bad because this was good, spending time with him felt good, but it wasn’t enough. It wouldn’t ever be enough.

“You should though, if you really like her. You can’t know beforehand.”

Changkyun couldn’t help but chuckle wryly. “I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like me.” He really needed to stop, this was like he was giving him straight-up clues and Kihyun wasn’t dumb, he would figure it out if Changkyun kept saying things like that.

But maybe an upfront rejection wouldn’t be that bad after all… okay nope, he couldn’t do that. While that just might help him get over it faster, he couldn’t fuck up their friendship.

“I’m sorry I assumed it was a girl,” Kihyun apologized, but Changkyun didn’t care about it, he was used to people assuming he would prefer girls over guys even though they knew he was bi. He was used to this.

“It’s okay,” he assured.

“But how do you know he doesn’t like you?” Kihyun wondered.

“I don’t know, I just do. Can we watch the series now?” he asked before Kihyun could come up with more questions. Kihyun sighed but nodded and moved to lie down next to him.

Changkyun really wanted to lay his head onto his shoulder, so he did. He did it with the other members too, this was okay. Not exactly close enough but okay.

Before he could start the episode Kihyun decided to put an arm around his middle and pull him into a hug. The laptop slid between their legs and their position in general was a little weird but Changkyun enjoyed it nonetheless. “Can I do anything for you? You don’t have to talk to me, but you seem sad.”

Changkyun had said he wouldn’t get his hopes up again, but there he was, thinking about just telling Kihyun everything.

He was feeling too comfortable, lulled in Kihyun’s warmth and scent. Spending time with Kihyun felt like getting drunk on him sometimes. He didn’t think about it before he nudged his nose against Kihyun’s neck and took a deep breath there and then let him go again.

“It’s fine, really. I just don’t wanna be alone right now,” he told him, Kihyun nodded and let Changkyun rest his head against his shoulder for the whole episode.

They went to the kitchen to get snacks in between, which was when the others noticed that Changkyun had never left the dorm and he had to convince them that it was okay and that they didn’t need to feel bad for him. They hadn’t believed him though and only let him go back upstairs when Kihyun had promised he would take care of him.

He sat up on Kihyun’s bed and yawned as the third episode ended, it was late already. “Hey, thanks for keeping me company,” Changkyun said and briefly smiled at him. “But I think I’ll go to bed now.” He stood up and grabbed his hoodie from Kihyuns bed.

He was content with how Minhyuk’s idea had turned out. There really was no reason for him to feel disappointed when he’d had no expectations in the first place, and he still got a hug and some time alone with Kihyun. He got to spend Valentine’s Day with his crush, so there really was nothing Changkyun could complain about.

“Okay, sure. But… I wanna ask you something before you go,” Kihyun said and stood up too. Changkyun looked at him expectantly. “You did this thing earlier… what did that mean?”

And that’s when Changkyun panicked. What did Kihyun mean? What had he done? Because everything he did that night suddenly seemed really fucking obvious, Kihyun wouldn’t have caught on, would he? During their whole conversation earlier he’d probably been so fucking obvious it’d be weird if Kihyun wouldn’t have caught on.

“What do you mean?”

Kihyun hugged him loosely to show him, and briefly nudged his nose against his neck. And Changkyun just stood there, completely frozen in place until Kihyun let him go again. “I don’t know what that means, Changkyun,” he said. “You've never done that before, and it felt, I don’t know… intimate.” He made a pause. “I don’t get it. If you wanna tell me something, then…”

Fuck. Yeah, he knew. He knew. Good thing he was still comfortable with touching Changkyun like that, so that was a good sign, right? Maybe this wouldn’t fuck their relationship up as badly as he’d anticipated in case he ever found out.

Changkyun really didn’t know what to do or say. There was nothing he could say to explain it to Kihyun when he perfectly understood what was going on already. “I think you get it,” he said softly, scared of what Kihyun would say next and how it would change everything about their friendship.

“I do?” Kihyun asked with furrowed brows. “Then say it already, because I’m freaking out at the thought of you just might liking me back!”

Changkyun just stared at him, at Kihyun’s eyes, his fucking beautiful eyes, and understood that he felt nervous in just the same way he did. He wasn’t alone. He wasn’t alone with these feelings, and finally, he knew exactly what he had to do.

He stepped into Kihyun’s space, put his hand in his neck, and kissed him. And maybe nothing about their situation was easy but it felt like it at that moment, it was like everything suddenly made sense again. It felt like time had stopped as soon as their lips met. Nothing really mattered as long as he could keep Kihyun like this.

Kihyun gently put his hand in Changkyun’s hair, kissed him back and Changkyun’s mind went blank except for Kihyun. Kihyun. Kihyun. Kihyun.

Everything about this was new, and yet it somehow felt familiar. Because this was still just Kihyun, someone he’d known for years and felt comfortable with. Maybe he didn’t and would never understand every one of Kihyun’s actions, thoughts, and emotions, but still knew him in a way most people didn’t. He knew all the expressions his face made, knew his scent that made him feel content and safe, and how his hugs felt. It was as familiar as a first kiss could be, and he didn’t want it to stop. Yet he was the one who broke the kiss first to look at Kihyun, his lips, and his stunned eyes.

“I like you. I like you so much,” Changkyun said breathily. Kihyun kissed him again, intensely, passionately, like he couldn’t get enough of Changkyun either. And everything suddenly felt so warm inside Changkyun, almost too hot, but in a good, exciting way. His fingers were softly stroking the back of Changkyun’s neck as he held him close.

And then the kiss ended, Changkyun gasped, and Kihyun put their foreheads together, hand still in his neck, the other one holding his cheek.

“You…” Kihyun began.

“Mh?”

“You were… talking about me,” he stated like he had to say it out loud to understand what that meant for them.

“Yeah,” Changkyun answered, stroking Kihyun’s back through the fabric of his shirt, just enjoying that he could hold him so close.

“And you ditched her because of me?”

He was scared Kihyun would be mad, but there was no reason to keep lying to Kihyun. He didn’t want to lie to him. “Ah, I mean… I didn’t, actually,” he said nervously. Kihyun let his hands fall from Changkyun’s neck and took a small step back to properly look at him. “I kind of lied to you,” Changkyun admitted, looking down.

“What?” Kihyun looked a little hurt maybe, but mostly just confused, as he waited for Changkyun to explain what he meant.

“Chaeyeon never asked me on a date,” Changkyun scratched the back of his neck as he began to explain. “We’re friends and she knows I like someone else. It was Minhyuk’s idea to make you jealous.”

Kihyun sighed. “Okay. So, you lied to me. What a great start,” he said, he sounded a bit frustrated. “But I mean, it worked,” he admitted.

Changkyun’s eyes widened a little. “You were jealous?”

“Of course, I was jealous,” he said like it was obvious that he’d been, and maybe it should have been obvious to him, at least after tonight but Changkyun was still processing.

“I’m sorry. To my defence, I really didn’t think that you’d care at all. Are you mad?”

“No… I think I just feel relieved.”

He quirked an eyebrow. “Really? You’re not mad at all?”

Kihyun put his hands back around Changkyun’s neck and started playing with the collar of his shirt. “I don’t appreciate you lying to me under whatever circumstances, but I understand why you did it. And it worked,” he said, slightly shaking his head as he smiled to himself, “so right now I’m just happy that I can have you like this.” As he looked back up into Changkyun’s eyes he looked content. This really wasn’t how he thought this night would turn out, but he was happy too, so, so happy. And he never wanted Kihyun to stop smiling at him like that.

Changkyun grinned at him. “So, start huh? Start of what?”

“Us…?” Kihyun asked with furrowed brows and a small smile.

“Us… us as in, like, boyfriends?” Changkyun answered, sounding a bit shy but looking straight into Kihyun’s eyes because it was hard to look away for even a second. It literally felt like he was under the effect of some love potion that would make it physically hurt to look somewhere else, not that he would want that anyway. Could you be addicted to looking into someone’s eyes? Maybe.

“Um, yes? Don’t you want that?”

“Of course, I want that.”

“Yeah?” Kihyun leaned in to kiss him sweetly, and Changkyun could feel him smiling against his lips. Kihyun, Kihyun, Kihyun. His Kihyun.

***

“You slept in Kihyun’s room tonight. Tell me what happened,” Minhyuk asked him the next morning after breakfast with a wide smile on his lips. They were alone in the kitchen as everyone else gradually left for work or went back into their rooms.

“Your weird idea worked, that’s what happened. I have a boyfriend now,” Changkyun told him, smiling proudly.

Changkyun had slept in Kihyun’s bed that night, they didn’t do anything more than kiss and cuddle each other though. Just because he’d liked Kihyun for so long already, they still shouldn’t rush into everything. Changkyun felt overwhelmed from just being able to hold and kiss Kihyun. Waking up next to him had felt like a dream, and even though it had been hard for Changkyun not to stare at him the whole time during breakfast, it had been even harder to leave the comfort of Kihyun’s bed and the warmth of his body that morning.

“I’m happy for you,” he grinned.

“No, you’re just feeling cocky because you were right,” Changkyun said, and then his eyes lid up as he saw Kihyun entering the kitchen.

“Morning. Congrats on your new boyfriend, Ki,” Minhyuk said.

“Ah right, you already know,” he remembered. “Who else did you tell about it?” Kihyun asked Changkyun.

“Just Minhyuk and Jooheon. But he doesn’t know that we’re together yet, I’m probably gonna tell him in a bit though.”

“Sure, do that,” Kihyun said, took a last sip from his coffee, and then put his cup in the dishwasher. “But… I think I want to wait a little until we tell the others, is that okay?”

“Yeah, sure. There’s no rush,” he assured him.

“Okay,” he said and smiled at him. “I’m gonna leave now, see you later?” he informed Changkyun as he had to leave for a solo schedule, he looked a bit awkward just standing there not knowing if he should just leave or hug or kiss his boyfriend goodbye.

It’s not like he’d ever done this with Changkyun before, and Minhyuk was still there too. What were the boundaries of showing PDA in front of the other members? They hadn’t talked about it; they hadn’t talked very much in general last night. And don’t get him wrong, it was great, kissing Changkyun and allowing himself to just feel for a few hours. Kihyun wasn’t sure how much of their relationship he wanted the others to see. He felt like they didn’t think this through at all yesterday when they probably should have. This wasn’t something that just affected them, but the whole group after all. Deciding to date each other required them to talk to each other about what they wanted.

Kihyun would have to talk to Changkyun tonight. He didn’t even know where he would start that conversation, there was a lot they’d have to deal with from now on. Expectations for their relationship? Their dorm life? Work? Worst-case scenarios?

“Mhm, see you later,” Changkyun said as he stepped closer and briefly pecked Kihyun’s lips after making sure there weren’t any footsteps coming from their living room. And with the way Changkyun smiled at him then, all cutely with dimples showing, every one of Kihyun’s concerns disappeared.

Kihyun smiled back at him brightly. “Okay, bye,” he said, waving Changkyun goodbye before he eventually left for work.

“Wow, that was… ew,” Minhyuk commented after he was gone. “But hey, looks like he’s just as whipped as you are.”

***

Their joined schedule that day had been weird, not that it had been any different at work than usual, but as sappy as it sounded, the previous day had kind of turned Changkyun’s life upside down without changing all that much after all. Everything apart from his relationship with Kihyun was still the same, they would just need to learn how to act around each other and in front of the other members.

Changkyun suddenly felt like he kept a much bigger secret than before when he had just been “unrequitedly” in love with his bandmate. It didn’t matter how happy he was, he still felt a slight weight in his chest whenever the others were near that day. Changkyun was sure it would get better once they told them they were together, but at work, he guessed he would just have to get used to feeling like this.

Changkyun had wanted to greet him with kisses so bad when he met Kihyun after his solo schedule at the company again, but he had held back and just smiled at him.

They had gotten home, had dinner and Kihyun hadn’t sat down next to him. Changkyun was a bit disappointed, but it was okay. Kihyun dragged him upstairs after dinner though and pulled him into a tight hug once they had reached his room and closed the door, so Changkyun felt more than content again.

“Hey,” Changkyun mumbled against his neck.

“Hi.” Kihyun was smiling, he could hear it in his voice, and it made Changkyun want to kiss him, so he did.

It was a sweet, lingering kiss, and when he pulled back Kihyun looked at him like he was the only thing that mattered in the whole world. Would Changkyun ever get used to this? He doubted it. “You didn’t sit next to me at dinner,” he stated softly, “which is fine, by the way, you don’t have to like, stick to my side all the time, but, well, I missed you.”

“Missed you too,” he said and pecked his lips. His heart felt like it could explode from too much love and happiness. “And that’s what I wanted to talk to you about actually.”

“Okay?” Changkyun took his hands in his, looked at him, and told him to continue.

“Like, I told you I want to wait with telling the others this morning, but we didn’t really talk about it. It’s just that this feels so new, and I think I wanna get to know you like this more, figure out how we act in relationships and what we expect from each other from now on before we tell them. Is that okay?”

Changkyun’s eyes were full of adoration for Kihyun. “Of course, that’s okay. That’s actually really cute and thoughtful,” he said and squeezed Kihyun’s hands softly. “But what has that to do with sitting next to each other?”

“Well, we will have to figure out how to act in front of the others once they know, and for now too. Like, yes, I want to sit next to you at dinner but is that too clingy? And would it bother the others if I sat next to you all the time? I just… I’m scared this will change things in the group and that they’ll get uncomfortable or feel neglected if we spend too much time alone together,” he explained his worries.

“Okay, first of all, I don’t think it’s too clingy, I would like you sitting next to me. You obviously don’t have to, but I think the others wouldn’t mind us sitting next to each other either.” It might even make them more uncomfortable if they didn’t sit next to each other. Changkyun would definitely feel uncomfortable if he sat in between Jooheon and Sejeong at dinner. “And secondly, I get it, I don’t want this to change things in our group either. But I don’t think we need to worry about that, I mean we will still spend time as a group and with them separately. It doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to ever leave your side again just because we’re dating now. And I think we’ll both need some space from each other too sometimes.”

“You’re good at this,” Kihyun complimented.

“At what? Giving you advice?” he grinned.

“At making me worry less,” he said and hugged him closely again. Changkyun was so glad Kihyun was this touchy with him. “Did you tell Jooheon by the way? He’s been smiling at me a lot today.”

“I did, and I noticed,” Changkyun answered with a smile. “He’s very happy for us, it’s cute.”

Kihyun kissed his cheek. “You’re cuter,” he whispered, Changkyun lightly blushed at that and pressed his face into his boyfriend’s neck.

“I think you’re the cutest though.”

***

Kihyun had never dated someone who he had been friends with for a long time. He didn’t know how to describe the feeling of experiencing all these new things with someone he trusted so much already. Safe and overwhelming at the same time?

Because they had been friends for so long, he had been kind of scared that having sex with Changkyun was going to be weird, but he really wouldn’t have needed to worry about that. Changkyun was very open and communicative about what he wanted in bed; it was really hot honestly.

Not everything about their communication was always easy though, but they had been doing fine until now, they were trying to be understanding and find compromises. It had been almost a month and Kihyun got to know a few new sides of Changkyun by now, and he felt like they grew closer and more comfortable with each other every day.

It also got harder and harder to hide their relationship from their bandmates. Kihyun knew they noticed how much time they had spent with each other lately, Hoseok must have noticed that Changkyun slept in Kihyun’s room all the time too when his room was literally opposite his, while the other members had their rooms downstairs.

So, they had agreed to finally tell them, and Changkyun was very excited and relieved at the thought of not having to hide anymore. He couldn’t think about what to say when they would go downstairs later and tell them though. “But how do we even tell them? You know, by the way, we’re kind of dating now?” he said, starring up to the ceiling from where he was laying on his boyfriend’s bed.

“We are just kind of dating?” Kihyun looked at him and frowned.

“No, uh. I mean, not kind of. We are dating,” Changkyun corrected himself.

“Yes, I’d hope so,” he said and smiled at him. “And it won’t be weird, nothing will change. I don’t think they’ll be surprised, so we just say we’re officially dating and that’s it.” Changkyun still looked thoughtful but nodded. “Should I say it?” Kihyun asked.

“Yeah, please do that,” he sighed. “I’m bad at finding the right moment with things like this anyway. Now come here,” he said and moved closer to Kihyun who was lying to his right. They had fixed bedsides now since he had first slept in Kihyun’s bed actually because Kihyun liked to sleep next to the wall, and Changkyun still couldn’t believe how cute and domestic that was. Changkyun put a leg and his arm around Kihyun’s body, who immediately snuggled up to him and rested his head against his shoulder.

“I’m here,” he said softly and closed his eyes when Changkyun started to stroke his hair. Kihyun’s eyes felt all heavy after a while, it made him sleepy when Changkyun did that, and Changkyun knew that. He didn’t want him to stop though, it felt too good.

“We can’t fall asleep now…” Kihyun mumbled after a few minutes.

“You can sleep if you’re tired, I’ll wake you up for dinner,” Changkyun promised.

“I shouldn’t. I’ll feel even more tired…”

“It’s okay, Kihyunnie. We can go straight to bed after dinner,” he said and kissed the top of his head. “I love you.”

It wasn’t the first time he had said it by far, but Kihyun wasn’t used to it yet, didn’t know if he ever would be. It made him feel just as warm inside as it did when he’d heard him say it for the first time, hopefully, that wouldn’t ever change.

“I love you too,” he answered and placed a soft kiss on Changkyun’s neck.

Kihyun didn’t want to but fell asleep after a few more minutes anyway, because his boyfriend was all warm and cuddly, and the way he stroked his hair would be the death of him. 

Changkyun gently woke him when the doorbell rang about twenty minutes later, and they went downstairs together. The food they had ordered earlier had arrived already and they sat next to each other during dinner with the others, like they did most of the time lately.

Kihyun felt a little tired from this nap but it wasn’t too bad. He waited for a calm moment when everyone was way more interested in their food than having a conversation, and then took Changkyun’s left hand into his under the table. “So, there’s something we wanted to tell you actually; Changkyunnie and I are dating,” he announced. And when Changkyun faced him, Kihyun just looked proud to tell everyone he was his and Changkyun was living for the look in his eyes.

“Should we act surprised?” Hoseok asked, then continued eating casually.

“Yeah, we figured. You’ve been spending a lot of time together recently. More precisely, in Kihyun’s bedroom,” Hyungwon said and crinkled his nose. “But congrats. How long have you been trying to hide this from us anyway?”

“We’ve been together for just a few weeks,” Changkyun answered.

“Yeah, about three weeks,” Kihyun said.

“So, you thought this through, right? You’re risking a lot, but I think you’ll be fine. No one will get suspicious if you are cautious. So, congrats,” Hyunwoo said, smiling at them.

“Yeah, congrats again!” Minhyuk told them cheerfully.

“Thanks, we’ll be careful,” Kihyun promised, gently squeezing his boyfriends’ hand.

“Wait what do you mean congrats again?” Hyungwon wondered.

“I and Jooheon knew Kyunnie liked Kihyun even before they got together actually. He didn’t tell us, we kind of figured it out on our own,” Minhyuk explained and Hyungwon nodded, content with that answer for now. He would probably ask about it again later though.

“Okay… so, we’re living with a couple now, that sounds kind of frustrating. You two won’t behave too sappy, will you?” Hoseok asked.

“I’m kinda jealous. They’ll never have to miss each other,” Jooheon sulked as he thought of his own relationship, he could only wish to see Sejeong in person as often as Kihyun and Changkyun could.

“I think I’ve missed Kihyun enough for a lifetime already.”

“You missed me?” Kihyun wondered.

“Yeah, I missed you all the time; as in you were always right here, but it was never quite enough,” Changkyun explained. And he still missed him sometimes when he couldn’t spend much time with him because of work, but he didn’t want to complain.

“Oh, they are going to be unbearably sappy,” Hyungwon groaned.

***

Changkyun wasn’t shy about showing their relationship to the other members. He cuddled Kihyun all the time, kissed him, and flirted with him in front of them. Kihyun didn’t know how to feel about it at first, it felt unfamiliar and strange to let all of them see their relationship like that, but he enjoyed them knowing Changkyun belonged to him and got more comfortable with it after a while too. And even though everyone teased them for being cheesy with each other, they didn’t really mind.

He’d been scared of how their relationship might change things in the dorm and as a group of friends. Both didn’t want their relationship status to get between them and the other members, so they made sure to spend time together as a group and not only focus on each other but everyone else too. They weren’t always stuck together even when they hung out with everyone, but when they sat next to each other, cuddled, and were physically close in front of them, it was okay as long as they didn’t make anyone feel like they didn’t want them there.

Working with Kihyun was chill too, him being his boyfriend didn’t really change much. Changkyun was still madly in love with him and wanted nothing more than to kiss him senseless during dance practice but could hold himself back until they got home. So, everything was pretty much the same, unless he could kiss Kihyun as much as he wanted to when no one was looking.

Photoshoots made it hard for Changkyun to focus on something other than Kihyun. It was hard not being able to even flirt with him, especially when he looked so absolutely gorgeous all the time, it was simply unfair. The thought of getting home was everything that kept Changkyun sane on days like these.

**Kyunnie** ❤  
❤  
❤  
❤  
❤  
You look fucking hot  
❤  
❤  
❤  
❤  
❤  
❤  
❤

 **Ki** ☀  
We’re at work  
Stop it

 **Kyunnie** ❤  
:(

 **Ki** ☀  
❤

***

Falling in love with Changkyun was one of the easiest things Kihyun had ever done. Which didn’t mean that being with him was just as easy. People who said relationships were just friendships with sex were so wrong because there were expectations that came with different kinds of relationships, and everyone expected slightly different things based on who they were and what they were used to, but Kihyun dared to say that most people still kind of wanted the same thing. Find love like it is portraited in books and movies, and just skip all the hard parts that came with a relationship. It never worked like that and Kihyun knew this when he got himself into a relationship with Changkyun, but it still felt frustrating sometimes.

He liked to judge people for being delusional and not facing the reality, not only when it came to dating, but maybe he just wanted to skip over to the part where they would be okay again too.

He has had enough, they were in the middle of comeback preparations, haven’t slept even slightly enough in the past few weeks and his relationship was suffering from it too.

He tried to be content because he knew that it was even harder for Jooheon and Sejeong to see each other when he was this stressed. He could be glad to see Changkyun all day long and to fall asleep next to him, but Kihyun hated that they had so little time for each other lately. He just wanted to sleep in and wake Changkyun with sweet kisses placed all over his face. He wanted to stay in bed and cuddle him, listen to what he had dreamed about. And maybe fuck him before breakfast, not only because he was fucking horny and couldn’t remember the last time they had had sex that hadn’t been way too rushed, but because he missed him even though he was right there next to him and just wanted to feel him as close as possible.

They had to get up the next morning, but Kihyun took a few minutes after their alarm had rung to softly kiss all over Changkyun’s nose and cheeks. And when Changkyun smiled at him and tried to give him kisses back too, Kihyun thought they could handle everything together somehow because he had never loved someone so much before and had received just as much love back.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and tell me what you thought about it!! <3


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